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“Guys, apparently I’m not allowed to have hair on this plane.”

Then she flung it straight back.

“Oops.”

“Oops.”

My replacement lunch arrived.

I ate in peace for exactly two minutes.

I don’t like flying, and I’d ordered a small glass of white wine for my
nerves. When the plane shook, I held it with both hands like a chalice.

Then the hair went in.

Not near it. In. The ends swirled in my wine like a paintbrush in a jar.

I ate in peace for exactly two minutes.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake.”

“What now?!”

“Your hair is in my wine.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking at your age anyway.”

“I beg your pardon?”

She lifted the phone over the seat.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Guys, she’s giving me the angry grandma look!”

“Would you please

take that thing out of my face?”

“Relax. I have eleven hundred people watching. You’re, like, a sidebar.”