“You’re also five.”
“I’m almost six.”
“When?”
He hesitated. “November.”
“That’s not almost.”
“It’s closer than last November.”
I could not argue with that.
He adjusted Captain in his lap. The bear was old, its fur rubbed thin in places, one plastic eye slightly scratched. A blue ribbon hung loosely around its neck. Not original. Someone had tied and retied it many times.
“Your dad gave you Captain?” I asked.
Owen nodded.
“He said captains don’t leave their ships.”
His voice cracked on the last word.
I looked away for one second because there are moments when a man’s face becomes too honest.
When I looked back, Owen was staring at the bear.
“Daddy left,” he whispered.
“No,” I said gently. “Dying isn’t the same as leaving.”
“But he’s gone.”
“Yes.”
“And Mommy’s gone.”
I went still.
“Your mom?”
“Our real mom,” he said. “She
went away when we were babies. Claire said she didn’t want us either.”
Lily opened her eyes.
“She said we made Mommy sad,” Lily murmured.
Owen looked at her sharply, like he had not meant to wake her.
I kept my voice steady. “Do you remember your mom?”
They both shook their heads.
“Do you know her name?”
Lily whispered, “Anna.”
Anna Bennett.
Another piece of a life I did not know.
Maya returned with news just before nine.
Emergency foster placement was available for the night with a certified family near Park Ridge. It was, by all accounts, a good home. Warm. Experienced. Safe.
Lily listened without expression.
Owen looked at the floor.
“Will we go to school tomorrow?” Lily asked.
“Not tomorrow,” Maya said. “Tomorrow we’ll figure out next steps.”
“Will Claire come get us?”
Maya paused. “Not tomorrow.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
Lily nodded like she had
expected that answer.
I saw then what grief had done to them. It had taught them to accept uncertainty as weather. Something that happened whether they wanted it or not.
Maya allowed me to say goodbye.
I crouched in front of them again, the same way I had at the bench.
“You’re going with Ms. Hernandez now,” I said. “She’s going to make sure you have a safe place to sleep.”
Owen asked, “Are you leaving?”
The word sliced cleanly through me.
“For tonight,” I said. “But I’ll check with Ms. Hernandez tomorrow.”
“You promise?”
I had made billion-dollar commitments with less fear than I felt at that question.
Promises to children should not be used as bandages over adult uncertainty.
So I chose carefully.
“I promise I will try to help in the ways I’m allowed.”
