“Mom, I was in that bathroom twice,” she said. “Once holding a mirror for Dad and once with the scissors. The second time was better.”
“Why?”
“Because the first time I couldn’t do anything.” She was doing homework and did not look up, which is how the important ones always arrive. “That’s the whole reason. I’m not doing it for Dad. I just found out at eleven that there’s a room where somebody can either do something or not, and I’d like to be somebody who can do something in that room.”
And Desmond.
Three months after he d*ed, our daughter cut off her hair in the bathroom where she had held his mirror, and in the four years since I have thought a great deal about what he said to me that Saturday when I told him she was too young to be in there.
She’s going to be in there for something someday. I’d rather her first one be with me and I’d rather I be smiling.
He was wrong about one thing.
It wasn’t her first one with him.
It was her practice.
He sat in a chair in August in a knit cap and let an eleven-year-old watch him smile through the worst hour of his life, and four months later she knew exactly what to do in a bathroom, because she had seen it done, because her father had made sure of it while he was dying.
That’s what a man can leave a child.
Not money.
A demonstration.