She said: yes.
I said: the beauty of it was not available for you to disassemble and reassemble. The beauty of it was the result of years of care by a person who is no longer alive to care for it.
She said: I know that now.
I said: did you know it before?
She was quiet.
She said: I wasn’t thinking about it the right way.
I said: no.
She said: I thought it was just a house.
I said: yes.
I said: that’s what the journal was for.
She was very quiet now.
I said: Frances wrote that she hoped whoever had the house would understand what it was. That she thought I saw it the way she saw it.
I said: I’m going to replant the garden. It will take a few seasons to be what it was. The grass will recover. The house has been cleaned.
I said: but I wanted you to know what was lost. Not as an accusation. As information.
She said: I’m sorry.
She said it the way people sometimes say sorry when the apology is real, without the defensive qualifier that softens it into something more comfortable.
Just: I’m sorry.
I said: I know.
She said: what can I do?
I said: you can contribute to the garden restoration. The nurseries that carry what Frances planted are specialty sources and the costs are real. I’m not asking you to cover everything. But a contribution is appropriate.
She said: yes. Tell me the amount.
I said: I’ll send you the invoice from the nursery when I have it.
She said: okay.
She said: the lawn.
I said: the contractor assessment is complete. I’ll send you that too.
She said: okay.
She said: the pillows.
I said: I cleaned them. They’ll be all right.
She said: I’m glad.
She said: I’m really sorry about the spice jars.
This surprised me.
She said: the photograph in the box. Of the jars in the correct order. I looked at her handwriting on the labels. And I thought about someone being careful enough to organize them that way. And someone else just moving them without caring.
She said: I was the someone who didn’t care. That was me.
I said: yes.
She said: that feels bad.
I said: yes. It should.
She said: not in a punishing way. Just. It feels bad to be that person.
I said: I know.
She said: I don’t want to be that person.
I said: good.
She said: the dried flower.
I said: yes.
She said: I’m keeping it.
I said: all right.
She said: not as a punishment. Because I need to remember.
