“You aren’t.”
“I trusted him.”
“That doesn’t make you stupid.”
“What if I should have known?”
“What if he worked very hard to make sure you didn’t?”
She looked up.
I continued.
“Someone who lies for four years doesn’t get to blame the person who believed him.”
Her eyes filled.
“I don’t know how to start over.”
“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”
She leaned toward me.
I opened my arms, and she rested her head against my chest.
I held her while she cried.
For a long time, neither of us moved.
Then she lifted her face.
We were close enough that I could see the tiny gold flecks in her brown eyes.
Her gaze dropped to my mouth.
“Alex,” she whispered.
My heart pounded.
I knew what she was thinking because I was thinking the same thing.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted it badly enough that I had to remind myself to breathe.
But I also knew she was hurt, angry, and exhausted.
I stood up abruptly.
“I should make coffee.”
She looked away.
“Of course.”
I walked to the counter and switched on the machine.
Behind me, she said, “I’m sorry.”
I turned.
“For what?”
“For almost making a decision because I needed to feel wanted.”
I looked at her.
“Maybe you wanted to kiss me because you wanted to kiss me.”
She went still.
Neither of us spoke for several seconds.
Then I added, “But I don’t want to be the person you reach for just because Michael made you feel unwanted.”
She nodded slowly.
“That’s fair.”
“And I don’t want you waking up tomorrow wondering whether you made a mistake.”
She wiped her cheeks.
“That’s fair too.”
I returned to the floor beside her.
We drank terrible coffee in the middle of the night and talked about everything except the kiss that hadn’t happened.
When I left, she walked me to the door.
“Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for stopping.”
I swallowed.
“You don’t have to thank me for that.”
“I think I do.”
She watched me for a moment.
Then she said, “I’m beginning to remember who I am.”
I smiled.
“Good.”
“And whoever I become next, I want it to be because I chose her.”
I knew then that whatever I felt for Karen was no longer a passing attraction.
I was falling in love with her.
And that was precisely why I had to be careful.
The First Time I Saw Michael’s Real Face
Three weeks later, Michael invited Daniel and me to dinner.
He called it a family discussion.
Daniel called it a terrible idea.
I should have listened to him.
We met at a private dining room in an expensive restaurant downtown. Michael arrived in a tailored navy suit, looking as though the evening had been organized to celebrate one of his professional achievements.
